My new favourite song

Okay, so I'm writing this down so that I don't forget the name of this song, as I have a tendency to do. It's 'Desert Song' by Hillsong, and I LOVE it! If you have not heard it, go to youtube and have a listen. In fact, let me give you the link right now: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=79055I6o-NQ&feature=share.

I am a big lover of words, more specifically, when they are woven together in such a way that your heart feels full, and you can't stop thinking about what they are saying. That is this song. Last night our choir went to the Rescue Mission in the city, and together with our worship team, we gave them a little concert; Desert Song was one of the songs we sang, and I realized anew how much I love it. The words in the last verse really got me; they say this:

This is my prayer in the harvest
When favor and providence flow
I know I'm filled to be emptied again
The seed I've received I will sow

The chorus is killer, too:

And I will bring praise
I will bring praise
No weapon forged against me shall remain

I will rejoice
I will declare
God is my victory and He is here

God has really been speaking to me about this lately, this cycle of filling and emptying, where He gives so that I might give to someone else. And what a privilege that is! Last night I spoke with a sweet friend who was broken by the insensitive words of another--someone who didn't mean to inflict pain, but allowed words to fall without first being filtered through God's sifter--and God gave me words of truth, His truth and love, to speak into her spirit. By the time we hung up, we were both able to share a laugh and a last word of encouragement for the night. I think God blessed us both!

Today, I had the sheer thrill of sneaking into her house and leaving her a Cafe Mocha, some little donuts bites and a cute bouquet of dyed flowers, and then sneaking back out again before she saw me! What fun! A little bit of 'emptying' there, and I am excited to see where the rest will come! What I know for sure is that a) it will come, and b) it may not be as fun as this; it may require a trial or two along the way.

But God is my victory, and He is HERE!

I have taken to ending my quiet times lately by asking Him to bless the day; may He richly bless yours, and fill you to overflowing so that you may be emptied for Him!

Good news, sad new, old friends and new beginnings

So a lot has happened since I last blogged, but I won't bored you (if anyone's even reading this) with all the details. I will summarize as best I can, and tell you where I'm at now:)

I always stress out about my yearly physical, which is kind of funny, really, considering I'm such a chicken, I usually don't go every year. I mean, I know I have to lose weight, but I don't need to step on a scale with 3 other people standing around and have us all blush when the numbers come up and I'm searching for something to crawl into or hide behind. (Why do we always assume that they're looking at us and thinking, "HOLY COW! You're HUGE!") But I went for my physical, had my bloodwork done, and all of it was normal.

Last week I had to summon the nerve to do the yucky, even more intimidating mammogram. Can I just say, I know these are never comfortable, but I don't remember my last one hurting like that! I was sore for DAYS afterward. The only thing I like about it, is that they call me with my results by the end of the day, so there's no worrying and stressing for days and weeks, which is precisely what I would do, having diagnosed myself with terminal cancer by the time I got any news. My mom had breast cancer when she was not much older than me, so I am always living in expectancy for the day I'm diagnosed. Cheerful, aren't I?

This past week, I learned/was reminded of a very valuable lesson--life is too short. Life is too short to worry about things we cannot control, to harbour resentment over wrongs/offenses from the past, to let opportunities to tell someone you love them and are proud of them go by. Life is too short, and it goes quickly. And truthfully, we have NO idea how many days the Lord has for us; we have to live each day for His glory, because it could be the last we have. I don't want to leave knowing/thinking that I missed a moment of opportunity.

God is really speaking to me these days about my priorities, and what truly matters, and I am feeling a great need to get my house in order, literally, figuratively, spiritually. Today is the day He has made; I will rejoice and be glad in it!

Fridays

I have grown to love Fridays, even more than Saturdays, I think. Friday means that everybody is home for the whole weekend (well, except my husband, who works every Saturday night); it means that tonight we all do something together, either watching a movie, playing the Wii, or board games; and it usually means that my husband is home all day, which means no dropping kids off or picking them up, feeding/letting dogs in/out of the house, and some actual time to myself... theoretically.

You see, even as I'm sitting here, my youngest is sitting as close as he can get to me, with his head on my arm, watching a movie on Cartoon Network, and my youngest, neediest dog is squished up beside him. So here we sit, three bumps on a log, despite my husband's best efforts to take one of the bumps with him. Something tells me I will get very little accomplished today, and even less time alone.

What is it about little boys and their mommies? He is with me ALL the time; you'd think he'd be happy to have a change of scenery, and spend the day with his dad, playing the gamecube, watching movies, going out to the store together. Nope. Stuck to my hip. He and the puppy, fighting for the spot next to me, or ON me, to be more precise. Sigh.

All in all--aside from the obvious downside of not getting anything accomplished--this is not a bad start to the day, really. I mean, at least I know I'm loved, right? A really needy, energy-sucking, stuck like glue kind of love, but loved nonetheless.

Best Laid Plans

So all week I have been planning to do a major straightening up/cleaning out of our bedroom and my adjoining sewing room (a.k.a. dumping grounds), and I planned it all out for today, with my husband home to entertain the little man. I had finally stirred my stumps and gone up there to tackle the literal mountain that is our room, after getting Sammy set up playing the Wii, and up he came... and then up came his stomache, on our floor, and then in the toilet. And as I sat beside him on the bathroom floor wondering how/if I would accomplish anything today, Sammy turned to me, white as a sheet, and said, "Mommy, I'm so sorry I barfed on your floor." And my plans no longer mattered.

I mean, truthfully, any excuse not to do what I should be doing is a good one in my books, under normal circumstances. But when this tiny person, feeling wretched, hanging over a toilet heaving everything from his feet up and trembling like a little leaf, looks up at you and apologizes for barfing, well, NOTHING else matters.

So today is pajama day (not that I had intentions of it being otherwise). I'm going to sit with my bubba and try to make him feel better, and try not to think about the fact that he crawled into my bed beside me in the middle of the night, shared my pillow and breathed in my face :) Dear Lord, please don't let me puke.

Finding New Purpose

So last week was a little stressful, as I had to register Sammy for Kindergarten in the Fall, and I have found myself dreading the moment I leave him at school for the first time... and every time after that. He is my shadow, my cohort, my company throughout the day, and the thought of running errands by myself, or not hearing his voice on the other end of the phone throughout the day as he calls me on the intercom to tell me he loves me, is just killing me.

I have found myself wondering what I will do with my time which, if you saw the state of my house at present, would make you laugh; there's PLENTY to be done around here. But I am craving something that will give me a purpose bigger than me, that will take me outside of myself and meet a need for someone else. My online Bible study group and I have been making baby blankets for Mercy House in Kenya, which we learned about through our Good Morning Girls leaders Courtney and Angela (I'll have to post pictures of some of mine!), so I know I will continue to support that cause. But I still wanted something else.

So I got talking to a girlfriend of mine who is a self-taught photographer, and takes some of the most beautiful pictures! She has had a real burden for people suffering from cancer, and just completed a photo shoot for a woman who has breast cancer, a new baby, and was about to have a double mastectomy. I have a great fear of cancer, and it makes me so sad to hear stories like this one, or to see loved ones die from it. In the last year, I have lost an extended family member, a friend's father, and a dog to this horrible disease, and I have watched my sister-in-law, at a young age, have a double mastectomy also. Cancer is nasty.

And so, as my friend and I got talking about all of this, we have decided that, come the Fall when we both have most/all of our children in school, we will take a couple of mornings/days in the month where we go to hospitals and visit with cancer patients; she will take a beautiful portrait of them, and I will take some cute 'chemo caps' or handmade toys of some sort for them to have.

A picture to remind them they are beautiful, and (hopefully) a little something to cheer them up!

I got started this weekend. Here are 4 of the hats I've made so far! (I have to make some boy caps, too!)






I am very excited to start this new venture! I would be lying if I said I wasn't a wee bit nervous, too. But God is good, and I pray that He would be in this with me, and that I would not run ahead with my own plans without making sure they are also His.

Smoochie Poops

So today I registered my little Sammy for Kindergarten in the Fall. I can't even believe it! Makes me want to cry even now; I can't imagine that first day of school.

















He, of course, would have gone to school today. He kept asking me if he was "all signed up". He is SO ready to go, but I think he figures it will be like his Cubbies class at Awana, or Sunday School, where he listens to a story, maybe sings a song or two, does a craft, has a snack and then plays the rest of the time. I'm trying to get him used to the thought of sitting at a desk and doing desk work more than playing, but it's a big concept for such a little guy. My little Smoochie Poops.

I am not concerned with him being afraid; quite the opposite. My concern is whether or not the teacher will be able to keep him in his seat! He's a 'go-er'. He's up every morning usually by 7:00, and goes all day until he goes to bed at 8 p.m. Try as I might, I have not been able to find an off button. He loves to play, and he LOVES when the kids come home from school and they all play together... for the most part.

So the next few months, I will do some prep work with him--continue working on his letters and counting, writing his name--and will attempt to prepare myself for the quiet hours without him. I can't even imagine running errands by myself! In spite of my greatest efforts, I guess he can't be 4 forever... but how nice would that be!

It's been a while

Wow, I can't believe how long it's been since I wrote! Things are considerably better since the last entry, thank the Lord! Being broken is not fun, but seeing God start the work of healing and restoration is a good thing, and I am slowly learning to rest in His peace, and trust Him for my tomorrows.

Which brings me to my James study. Ugh. This has been TOUGH. I've heard friends say in the past that they were never able to complete a study in James, and now I know why. James doesn't mess around, he gets right to the heart of the matter, literally. For example, today I read James 4:17--"Therefore, to one who knows the right thing to do and does not do it, to him it is sin." Ouch. Was it the Apostle Paul who talked about warring with the flesh, knowing the right thing to do and yet not doing it, the spirit is willing but the flesh is weak? So this struggle to do what is right is not a new concept to me, but to acknowledge a wrong choice as sin is definitely sobering.

The funny thing is, I say it to my kids all the time. ALL THE TIME. Mirror needed at table one. Yikes! I'm always trying to impress upon them that knowing what is right and doing what is wrong is a choice, and it's sin, and that all sin is against holy God. HELLO. I am in need of a new perspective, or a broader vision, apparently. Thank you, James.

I've also been challenged that my faith must be visible to anyone who looks at me/my life; that while my salvation is not dependent on works, works will produce fruit, which is my calling as a Christian. And I can't forget about humility, acknowledging that the God Who knows how many hairs are on my head also knows how many days comprise my life, and that any success or gain apart from Him means nothing in light of eternity. If I am to boast, I am to boast only in what He has done in, through, and for me.

Even when I'm broken.

"Therefore I am well content with weaknesses, with insults, with distresses, with persecutions, with difficulties, for Christ’s sake; for when I am weak, then I am strong" (2 Corinthians 12:10).

God is good, all the time. He brought a group of 9 women together from Canada, the UK, and the US, to work through this study online, encouraging each other and keeping each other accountable through daily emails. I am so grateful for my Good Morning Girls! Looking forward to the next study, and hoping--if the Lord wills--to someday meet you all in person!